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January 15, 2016
2015 was a year of renewing in my life. There is really no other word to perfectly describe my year. Let me provide you with an overview so my need for a “renewing” is more clear.
2014 was one of the hardest years I have ever personally faced. Being a mother of two was initially very difficult for me. Caring for two children was just harder than caring for one. I was just so off, so much more distant than my usual self. I wish I ‘d have asked for help sooner or just talked to someone about how I was feeling. I was constantly exhausted and had so many mixed emotions from one moment to the next. I was crying all the time. I just figured that’s what having two kids does to you. Now don’t get me wrong, caring for two kids CAN do that to you! haha! But this was different and it all got to be too much. I couldn’t live life like that but those feelings wouldn’t go away. I was stuck.
When my son was just over a year old I talked with my husband. He was the only one who really knew how I was feeling and what was going on. He encouraged me to talk to someone and set an appointment with my doctor and WOW PEOPLE! Seriously! I could have saved myself 18 months of misery had I only talked to someone sooner. My doctor told me it was postpartum depression. (Postpartum depression is a type of depression suffered by a mother following childbirth, typically arising from the combination of hormonal changes, psychological adjustment to motherhood, and fatigue.) I waited so long to get help that the depression just continued even a year after having my son. My doctor prescribed anti-depressants but I was uneasy with taking pills. I’m not against taking medication but I felt that there were other options to explore before taking that route.
My heart was searching for answers and I kept coming back to the same question. Why do we fight our battles alone? I tend to be a very independent person, which, at times, has hindered my growth. I now know so many people with experiences very similar to my own. Whatever you’re going through right now, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Nobody will ever understand exactly what you’re going through, but it’s almost certain there are people with similar experiences. Having an ear to hear you out, a hug when you need it most, or a shoulder to cry on can help. The simplest gesture from a friend or family member can help bring change in your mind and body but why is God always our last resort?
He knows you.
We live in a broken world and many times we let it break us down too but God can mend you and show you who you are in Him. You are important! You matter! You are needed! You are loved!
I’m so thankful for everyone in my life who has lifted me up in prayer. Thankful to those who took the time to just listen even if they had no words for me. But above all, I’m grateful for God, my Father, who was with me every step of the way. He has carried me through depression and anxiety, and every low place my mind has gone. I’m still not sure why I went through depression but I know now that He was with me and with you. I’ve learned that we can use trials to become improved versions of ourselves and this experience has forever changed my life. It brought growth in my life that may have never come about. I am better now because I didn’t let my circumstances define me. It certainly took me longer than I would have liked but I took control. There are still times my mind goes back to those dark places, but I’ve learned to recognize it. I’m not perfect but I’ve certainly made changes to become better.
James 1:2-4 (NLT) “Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.”
Grow from the things life throws at you. The good and bad. Be better for yourself and those around you!
One person I leaned on, who is more like a spiritual mother to me gave me scripture verses to speak over and read when I needed them. I have created a list of bible verses for you. Here is a free printable version to keep handy.